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17th August 2010

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SPIDER-BAN

So I’m sitting in bed last night fiddling with the ipad (The machine, not anything else) I close it up, lift the covers to scooch down for the nights lie down, and there in MY bed is a spider the size of a fifty pence piece about to bite my balls. It freaked me the f*ck out. I jumped out of the bed so fast, i fell and almost ended up with my nuts in my mouth while that fucker tried to scuttle away. Now I’m not scared of spiders but the fact this one was in my bed and about to crawl up my c*ck meant i was pretty fricking angry about it. Anyway, I’m writing this to apologise to animal/arachnid lovers and the RSPCA, because i had to beat that bitch to death with my ipad I still had in my hand. I would like to apologise to apple too. Clarke 2* Creatures 0 *first victory was against a slug who nearly beat me the other day. i hate those fuckers.

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