CLARKE: THAT F*CKING GUY!

27th July 2010

Post with 7 notes

REVELATIONS:

I stopped tweeting recently for a week… In fact this will be one of the first few back.

It started at first because I was angry about something I still think is out of order, but I’m over that mad anger now because actually i guess it’s a testiment to what i helped facilitate over here. When what you do becomes so relevent that people feel the only way they can make good is to copy it, mock it, then i guess it’s just a case of imitation, which of course is the sincerest form of flattery.

“It’s easy to talk big talk when you think you’re about to take over the world, but the world is a big place”

Anyway. After that, the lack of tweeting became about disapline. It became about me proving to myself that actually i could do it. That I still have that thing that makes me work hard. That I can still cut things off dead if i need/want to. That i’m not compelled to retweet every compliment to make myself feel better. (which I didn’t do anyway) But I wanted to know that I still had that absolute cold switch that can switch off what i want to at a moments notice and move on to other things. And I do.

It’s a sometimes heartless thing i’ve used over the years to remain an individual and not be a sheep. it’s helped me stay focussed. Not buying to being a drunk stupid celeb falling out of clubs, with slags and ending up in papers. Or wanting or needing people to like me all the time. I actually don’t care. My real friends like me. My family like me. Most importantly. I like me. If you know you live your life well and do the right thing, it matters not what others think. The content of their character will expose everyone for what they are eventually.

So it’s that cold thing that’s got me where i am. That is the thing that mde me sit on my arse alone in a room and write kidulthood. Hard work, focus and pure hunger, The ablity to shut off distractions and bad* things that would conspire to bring me down and focus on the things that will facilitate where I want to go. *be it drink, (which i don’t really) drugs (which i never have) or people.

The problem was I got a bit soft, I got a bit friendly i got a bit emotional. I started worrying and focusing too much on helping others. And I did help a lot of people. I don’t need to name them, I know who they are, You know who they are, they know who they are.

I was always on this - “Gotta write a part for that guy, Gotta bring in that girl”. How can i help this person, how can i help that person. “yeah I’ll call that guy for you” “yeah, i’ll drag my arse round london with your scenes and get you an agent”.

Of course that didn’t/hasn’t left me a lot of time to focus on me. I wasn’t writing as much as i used to I was being loyal to others to see how i could help them.

“loyalty only works if it goes both ways”.

I’ve got a lot of writing done this week on #thetriangle scripts. Spent time with the boy and my freinds i have from school. Had a bit of realness in life instead of the madness, self preservation, hype talk, subliminal threats from peoples friends that they shouldn’t allow after all i’ve done for them, and back stabbing that is the entertainment industry.

And while I will continue to tweet because i like it. the revelation and re-realisation that I can still be as disciplined and as cold/focussed as I once was means i’m going to be doing exactly that.

I’m not gonna talk about what i’m doing I’m just gonna get it done, and distractions both people and others, and the - “I have to help this person and that person” is going to end now. I’ll still give opportunities to people coming up if i can, but now. Nobody gets anything now unless it’s earned. And if you feel don’t need it anyway anymore, then good for you… We’ll see.

I’m not the best at anything I do, but it’s always been original, never copied stolen or even “imitated for flattery”.

I work hard and there is no reason that i should let that stop, or be distracted.

I’ve re-focused and the old me is the new me again and i’m starving.

Beware.