CLARKE: THAT F*CKING GUY!

3rd December 2009

Post with 4 notes

COMPLETE KID WARS TWEETS:

So for those who loved/love KID WARS: here is everything so far in one swoop. To get the full story you need to start from the bottom and work your way up. My Son is my favorite person in the world and being a dad is the best. These are our comical battles and should be viewed as that.

Enjoy.

Oh and for the record, the boy is almost better. KID WARS will return soon. xxabout 1 month ago from web

X @flibbert 19: the best thing about being a dad is just that. Actually raising a kid. My dad didn’t raise me. n KID WARS which will return2 months ago from web

KID WARS: Morning. Boy has returned from Portugal with new word. “CAR” Can’t tell if he’s showing me or signaling his Hitmen to run me over!3 months ago from web

For those wondering where KID WARS is. It’s a ceasefire as the boy is in Portugal with his mum. we will commence battle upon his return.3 months ago from web

KID WARS: After rice everywhere but mouth, screaming like he saw gary Glitter. He went to sleep to adventures of Mr bump BOY2 DAD1 comeback!3 months ago from web

KID WARS: I swear that nappy of stink, weighs more than my son. He must store it in his legs. It smells like his arse threw up. BOY2 DAD03 months ago from web

KID WARS: OW! why does the boy think i can only see his toys when thrown in my face? Curse you fisher price and your hard plastic BOY1 DAD03 months ago from TwitterBerry

! @NatalieBow (13) Biggest achievement so far would be My Son… my KID WARS enemy… I love him. He can already play football. he’s 1.3 months ago from web

KID WARS: in clever attempt at mental torture Boy now calls everyone bigger than him Dada. Except me (dad) who’s Nah! Its working. BOY1 NAH04 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: To thwart plans n spy 4 his gain. The boy has decided to follow me everywhere a walk, if i try to make a calls he screams. B1 D04 months ago from web

KID WARS: Boy waits till we’re in tesco to do monster poop. People look at me like i smell of sh*t, He holds grapefruit and grins. BOY1 DAD04 months ago from web

My son’s 1. 4 teeth, thinks he runs the house. He sure gets more showers with mama than dad does: Hmmm For now… KID WARS: RETURNING SOON.4 months ago from TwitterBerry

Getting ready to take boy to nursery. KID WARS will be back in full force when i finish filming, as he is running now.4 months ago from web

KID WARS: In a dastardly attempt to block dads mummy time, the boy has just NOW awoken and is in mums arms. I swear he just grinned at me.5 months ago from web

HAPPY FATHERS DAY: News just in. Truce called in KID WARS as dad has first fathers day: But son warns “poopy battle will resume.”5 months ago from web

KID WARS: In a strategic attempt to make the boy forget the enemy when looking in a mirror. We’ve cut his hair. Cue confusion. DAD1 BOY05 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: Nooo! How can a boy poo that much this early. What’s he eaten dinosaur? House smells like zoo, and he’s trying to grab it. D0 B15 months ago from TwitterBerry

No day KID WARS today as the boy and his female commanding officer are out. probably plotting against me. I’ll be ready.5 months ago from web

KID WARS late night attack. Back home and sliding in bed only to realise my little man and Nemesis, already in there getting cuddles. Doh!5 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: SNOOP DADDY DAD. After titanic battle. Daddies singing, and pretending to close eyes as well. Boy is sleeping. score dad DAD1 BOY25 months ago from web

KID WARS: Boy getting quick. He takes long to eat but yet can put hand in yoghurt pot and throw in my eye before i can react. How? BOY2 DAD05 months ago from web

KID WARS: NO NAPPY FOR OLD MEN. After morning poop I’m wondering if this is my kid, or the stink son of a demon stench bringer. DAD0 BOY15 months ago from web

After an illness, travel and nursery break: Today, KID WARS is back. if you don’t know you will learn.5 months ago from web

Just dropped the boy at nursery. (Glad for the allies in KID WARS) and so proud. Put him down, he zoomed off after a football. GO SON GO!5 months ago from TwitterBerry

Home. No KID WARS today as Boy has a cold, so only KID LOVE. He’s sleeping now. Lots of hugs from Dad. Can’t fight war, if nemesis is ill.5 months ago from web

KID WARS: Just gave Boy some toast with Jam. First he’s walking, Then painting. He sneaks in my bed. Now he eats my food. I’m on to you son.6 months ago from web

Actually had too much to do today for full KID WARS: Sorry about that. Just finished re-write on a script Listening to new EMINEM album now.6 months ago from web

KID WARS: Allies: Recruited army by taking boy to his first hour at nursery today. So many things to do. He’s now Knackered. HA HA DAD4 BOY86 months ago from web

KID WARS: no jokes, stress. Just stress. DAD 0 BOY 8. In one massive attack.6 months ago from TwitterBerry

@RomfordReject Kid wars is tuesdays6 months ago from web

1 Year ago today I looked up the Mrs’ crotch (Not for my usual excursion) Behold the love of my life (and KID WARS NEMESIS) Was Born. YAY!!6 months ago from web

KID WARS: Gah! Another one. Worse! Must have heard me tweet. Why am I punished so? Think part of my being perished smelling this one. D2 B46 months ago from web

KID WARS: Gah! Nappy changed. How can boy grin when the smell he makes comes from Hell! Hell or somewhere worse we don’t know about. D2 B36 months ago from web

KID WARS: Played with him till he literally conked out. “You can’t out play daddy boy”. I’ve done all nighters on Super Mario3. DAD 2 BOY2.6 months ago from web

KID WARS: Used to be able to hide, he’d play. Now he finds me. I’m in corner/behind chair he’s watching like what the F are you doing. D1 B26 months ago from web

KID WARS: Can’t get boy to sleep. The moment he’s out I put him down. Then eyes pop open, he grins at me. WHY R U LAUGHING AT ME? DAD1 BOY16 months ago from web

KID WARS: Cleverly slipped book of post-its for distraction (Ha Ha) Bottle and porridge feed went without hitch. Great start. DAD 1 BOY 06 months ago from web

KID WARS: Yesterday the world changed: My greatest (and cutest) foe unleashed a new tactic upon me. THE BOY TOOK HIS FIRST STEPS. woo hoo!6 months ago from web

KID WARS: EC WAR WON. Wife answered/Alarm off/Hobbit pissed off back to shire -ninja turtle/me on couch. Will send pic of missed stuff later6 months ago from web

KID WARS: EC: Walked in slowly like I knew what I was doing. (Now frantically calling mrs to get back door code before ears die).6 months ago from web

Back2Mac. Battle won. Bilbo gone. Wars rages on as Alarm going nuts. And can hear enemy kid, shouting or laughing or something. Little f*ck6 months ago from web

KID WARS: EC. Keeping enemy dad in front of me. In case he knocks me out from behind. Robs my pot of gold and drags me back to the shire.6 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: ENEMY CHILD. Right 39 mins. Going back now for Dad. Mickey smile gone. Adulthood face on. Taking blackberry to keep updating.6 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: ENEMY CHILD. Short (height) Snappy mum says, (through door) talk to husband back in 30 mins. But kid is now inside at least.6 months ago from web

KID WARS: ENEMY CHILD. Going to engage enemy parents and see if they can put a stop to this. Affable Mickey smile on for first contact.6 months ago from web

Wife and child went out early. Thought I could get some PS3 in. but it’s clear what this has become. This is KID WARS: ENEMY CHILD.6 months ago from web

KID WARS: Everything this boy throws or kicks. Conks me in the head. Either he’ll be an olympic athlete or first baby jailed for dad abuse.6 months ago from web

KID WARS: left for quick meeting with chicken and pasta bake in hair. NOTE TO SELF: Babies eat paint, throw and paint with food. BOY3 DAD06 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS:FAST AND FURIOUS. NEW NAPPY ORIGINAL ARSE: He’s quick, I’m vex, nappy on crooked=poop out the side. Bad smell, He laughs. BOY2 DAD06 months ago from web

KID WARS:WHILE U WEREN’T SLEEPING. Now boy can stand independently. 1st thing he does as he wakes=squeal,no sleep or face splash. like 2day6 months ago from web

KID WARS USA: wrestling boy into car seat he doesn’t want to go in. Got him in, thought I’d won. Foot in the eye. Broken pradas. DAD0 BOY37 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS USA: THE ARSE AND THE FURIOUS. How and why can this baby produce this from his Bum? what’s in baby food? Hippo C**k? DAD 0 BOY 27 months ago from web

@spb73 he’s called Boy for the purposes of Kid wars7 months ago from web

Tuesday. KID WARS:USA. STATE OF (P)LAY. Blowup bed+uk GMT baby=baby in bed with us=no action for Dad=limping. Hmm Well played son. DAD0 BOY17 months ago from TwitterBerry

@JadeMoiraL no kid wars today. I’m filming hon.7 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS takes a break today because daddy is filming. Baby with Grandma. So really it’s KIDS WARS chapter 1. THE GREAT ESCAPE. Dad 1 Boy 0.7 months ago from web

Woo Hoo! His mums home. lost battle today BOY3 DAD2, but the war rages on. Join next tuesday 4 more KID WARS. Normal service will now resume7 months ago from web

KID WARS: Chapter 5. AS POOP AS IT GETS. This boy has no internal organs. Just a head, arms and legs, surrounding a Poop factory. DAD2 BOY37 months ago from web

KID WARS: Chapter 4. THE BOY ULTIMATUM. HA! lunch time nap, there was no choice. Current score Daddy 2 Baby Boy 2. Time to get some work in.7 months ago from web

KID WARS: Chapter 3. BAD WILL HUNTING. This kid has the fastest hands. Slow dad+fast kid=food on the wall. Sure he does it on purpose. Hmmm.7 months ago from web

KIDS WARS: Chapter 2: SULK FICTION. feed went fine, but been trying to give him nap for ages. him fighting it = no work done. DAD 1 BOY 17 months ago from web

KID WARS: chapter 1 DADS DON’T CRY: after putting berry back together, dad tries to send this tweet. If it works. DAD 1 BOY 0. Nice try son.7 months ago from TwitterBerry

Tuesdays: He smiled as his mum left, turned to me. ignored toys, grabbed and threw my phone. I knew then. KID WARS was back. (Movie titles)7 months ago from web

@Andie22 (9) Thanks for your support. Glad you like kid wars. right now i only follow a selection of people. if i open it out i will.8 months ago from web

@Tittybird (1) final score of this weeks KID WARS was Daddy 1 Boy 5 last week was Daddy 2 Boy 3.8 months ago from web

Yay! his mums home… Hope you enjoyed another day of kID WARS. Daddy has to get back to one of the day jobs… Write write write.8 months ago from web

KID WARS: KID TREK4 THE UNDISCOVERED NAPPY. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!!! back home. Title says it all pooo!8 months ago from web

KID WARS: KID TREK4 THE CAR RIDE HOME Poop nappy. n late for afternoon snack. He aint glad. Reinforced with uncle geoff. Gotta get Home.8 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: KID TREK3 THE SEARCH FOR BLOCKS. He naps in carrier while i seach EL center for ABC Blocks. He’s out, but my back hurts. DAD1 BOY28 months ago from TwitterBerry

KID WARS: KID TREK2 THE WRATH OF MOM. Stayed in last week. So mum says take him out. He laughs as I fight to put on his coat. Daddy1 Baby18 months ago from web

KID WARS: KID TREK 1. KITCHEN OF THE TITANS. After a long battle, first bottle and porridge has been fed to boy. little mess. DADDY 1 BOY 08 months ago from web

Tuesdays: Nothing but me and the boy, in perfect harmony until his mum comes back. I think not. welcome to KID WARS: this week Star Trek.8 months ago from web

@blickbuster KID WARS will mostly be on tuesdays8 months ago from web

Great suggestions for KID WARS themes thanks. Bond, potter, Indy, Trek, Superhero films, Mafia films. I will mull on it cheers. I’m Out. NC8 months ago from web

KID WARS EPISODE VI RETURN OF THE MUM-i. Woo Hoo! Had a great day, but mama’s back. Thanks for listening. Film themes for the next KID WARS?8 months ago from web

KID WARS: EPISODE V THE DADDY STRIKES BACK. After a long battle on the distant moon of bedroom. He’s on Afternoon nap. Baby Boy 3 Daddy 2.8 months ago from web

Changed and fed, i thought I was safe. But No. KID WARS EPISODE IV A NEW POOP. (off to change him, then I think afternoon nap. Him. Not me)8 months ago from web

He awoke with a smile on his face, a cuddle for dad, and a gift in his nappy. KID WARS EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SHI*S. Baby Boy 2 Daddy 1.8 months ago from web

You should see this idiot taking my star wars moan tweets as serious and insulting me on my page. What’s the world coming to?8 months ago from web

Update: Couldn’t get work done. KID WARS Episode 2 ATTACK OF THE MOANS. had started. But I got him to sleep for nap time. Baby Boy 1 Daddy 18 months ago from web

Morning. Tuesdays: Me and the boy. His Mum @ work. No babysitting grandmas. Just us. Welcome to KID WARS Episode1 THE BREAKFAST MENACE.8 months ago from web